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Crying Over Kevin
Costner:
A
Sure Sign that I'm Out of Balance
By Marilyn Kentz
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Trying to find balance during hormone fluctuation can be
a real challenge. The “b” word is so out of wac, everyone else is affected by it. PMS can put the whole family on full tilt. At least that’s at a predictable
time of the month and smart people can get out of the
way. But I’m in menopause and like heavy thunderclouds
on a hot sultry day; you never know when and where
lightning will strike -- you just know it will. When my
hormones are out of balance, I just tell my husband,
“We’re gonna fight - you pick the topic!” And
that’s just for starters.
Some people find balance through
homeopathic avenues. Some rely on nature’s gifts. I am
not a wild yam kind of girl. Natural to me means
neutral. No potato is going to make me calm and
balanced. No, I want drugs. I want my hormones back! I
don’t care what chemicals it takes to do it, but damnit
-- I want to be a nice, reliable, steady person! I WANT
MY H.R.T... but I don’t want it to give me cancer.
But my skin looks sooo much better when I take it.
Cancer? Nice skin. Heart attack? Nice Skin. Hard
choices.
My family can always tell when my
hormones are running out of gas. Come time to change the
patch, I cry, then rage, then cry over
nothing/everything! For example, the other day I was
casually watching Biography. The show that day was on
Kevin Costner. Normally, I would be barely paying
attention; listening every once in a while as I do
menial household tasks, like folding laundry. This time
-- right in the middle of a nice, smooth tri-fold bath
towel -- something hooked me. Something in the
biographer’s tone was bugging me. He started off all
fine and perky talking about what a hottie Costner was
and waxing poetically about all the buzz he created
after he made “Field of Dreams”, “Bull Durham” and
“Dances with Wolves”. They were saying that he was on
fire; that Kevin Costner sure had one hell of a heyday.
Maybe it’s the word heyday that sent me spinning. Or was
it the word “had”? Do we only get ONE heyday?? According
to the biographer, YES. He said something like “Here’s
where Costner made his vital mistake: ‘WATER WORLD’.”
He expounded on how bad that was, “What a serious
blunder Costner made.” “Changed his career.” “No one
would have anything to do with him.” As it began to take
and even more viscous tone, for reasons only other
menopausal women can explain, I began to cry. I
really felt bad for Kevin Costner. My husband popped
his head in, frightened, yet curious as to why the
tears. I sniveled, “He was trying as hard as he
could...” “Who was trying?” I tearfully spat, “Kevin
Costner. He made a mistake. So what? We all make
mistakes.” Now, my husband knows that I normally could
care less about Kevin Costner. He stared at my pitiful,
wet face for a minute, then finally said, “Yeah, but
what about The Postman?” I went hysterical in defense
of stupid Kevin Costner. Finally my husband asked,
“What’s the number for the pharmacy? I’ll pick you up
your new patch, honey.”
Mock me if you will, but for me,
balance is all about the latest state-of–the-art
designer drugs for the hormonally challenged. And my
family totally concurs.
© Copyright
Marilyn Kentz 2005. All Rights Reserved.
Marilyn Kentz
is the outspoken brunette of the well known comedy
duo "The Mommies". Her original stage show led to an NBC
sitcom, which led to a cable Ace Nominated Showtime
Comedy Special, which brought about the ABC Talk show
“Caryl and Marilyn: Real Friends”. In addition to her
work in television, Marilyn is an accomplished artist as
well as an author - books include To Know Me Is To
Love Me (Practical Press) with Lynn Lott and Dru
West, The Mother Load (HarperCollins) with
Caryl Kristensen, Not Your Mother's Mid-life: A Ten
Step Guide to Fearless Aging (Andrews McMeel) with
Nancy Alspaugh, Fearless Women: Midlife Journeys
(Stewart, Tabori, Chang) with Nancy Alspaugh and
photographer Mary Ann Halpin.
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