Moving On...To What You Want
by Suzanne Zoglio
 Whether life hands you a bucket of stuff that you’re anxious to get rid of, or you find yourself sitting on life’s sidelines but longing for something more, the dilemma is the same. How do we get the push we need to move on?
It’s that old approach-avoidance thing that keeps us stuck. Our hearts say, "Go," but our feet won’t move. Our friends say, "Move" and we dig in our heels. One foot firmly placed in what we know; the other poised to take us to what we truly desire. It all seems so simple, intellectually. We want something different, so why don’t we just move forward with all the gusto we can muster? As a psychologist and coach specializing in life transitions, I have seen two primary roadblocks to moving on: resistance and fear.
"Resistance," you’re probably thinking, "what planet is she from? You bet I’m resistant. Who wants to lose a mate, get fired, and get diagnosed with hypertension?" Or perhaps you find yourself in some other equally uncomfortable place. So what’s resistance got to do with moving on or drowning in misfortune?
Imagine you are standing by the ocean’s edge. For balance, you dig your heels into the sand. But each new wave just knocks you down. Finally the undertow drags you out to sea. If you try swimming back against the tide, you’ll exhaust yourself and drown. If you do as water safety experts tell us--swim parallel to shore until the powerful current subsides--you’ll likely survive. Therein lies the first secret to moving on...don’t waste energy resisting what is beyond your control.
It is impossible to move in two directions at the same time. As long as you fight against what you don’t want, you will make no progress toward what you desire.
So, consider this. The next time you experience a loss, face real disappointment, or have a streak of bad luck, by all means kick and scream and whine and weep...for while. You hate the fact that this or that happened. You expected things to go along as they had before. It’s okay to ask, "Why me?" or "Why can’t my life just be the way it was?" For a while. Then it’s time to shift gears and start accepting what is. You may be feeling that your situation is unfair, but in reality, it just is. So instead of railing against what is, try to embrace any good that might be hidden in it.
Have you learned something? Did someone else benefit? Have you received love and concern? Has it strengthened your faith? Once you have mourned your loss, and acknowledged any good, shift your focus to what you want next...
>>> Continue Reading "Moving On...To What You Want"©
Copyright Suzanne Zoglio, Ph.D. This article was
originally
published at our website, SoulfulLiving.com,
in Aug-Sept 2004, as part of our "Moving Forward" Issue.
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