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June 23, 2008 |
Daily Soul Retreat at SoulfulLiving.com |
Vol. 1, Issue 409 |
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Know Thyself:
Relating to Yourself, Relating to Others
by Lucia Capacchione, Ph.D.
 Our first relationship is with ourselves. Our relationships with others reflect how we see and treat ourselves. Unless we can see ourselves honestly, we aren’t going to be able to really see and love another. Eastern spiritual teachers say that, “The world is as you see it.” In the West, psychologists are fond of saying it another way, “It’s all done with mirrors,” referring to the phenomenon of projection.
In projection we see in others qualities we have disowned in ourselves. When this happens, we either hate the other person or we idolize them. If I’m a workaholic, I will criticize someone who knows how to play and have a good time, judging them as being childish. Or I may fall in love with someone who is playful (because I need to lighten up), only to turn against them “when the honeymoon is over,” and tell them to grow up and “get busy.” Either way, we miss the point. When there’s an emotional charge - positive or negative - in any relationship, that person is showing us something we haven’t seen in ourselves. They are mirroring a quality we’ve condemned or one we’ve longed for or need more of. (The workaholic needs to play more to get into balance.)
How can we see through our projections? How can we learn to see ourselves and our partner more honestly and consciously? I strongly recommend personal journal-keeping. It is the best self-reflective tool I know. Journaling is inexpensive and is readily accessible at all times. It is wonderful self-therapy and it greatly benefits relationships as well. It needs to be kept private and confidential, to ensure honesty and safety. This is crucial, otherwise it won’t work.
The purpose of journaling is to reflect honestly on our own feelings, needs, wishes and dreams. For this is our responsibility, and ours alone...
>>> Click to Continue Reading "Know Thyself"©
Copyright Lucia Capacchione. This article was originally
published at our website, SoulfulLiving.com, in Fall 2007, as part of Soulful Living's "Personal Empowerment"
Issue.
Click to View Our "Daily Soul Retreat" Newsletter Archive |
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"Taking responsibility for meeting our own needs is what makes it possible to have a conscious, loving relationship. If we aren’t examining our own needs and getting them met on an on-going basis, we will expect our lover or partner to do it."
--Lucia Capacchione |
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Books by Lucia Capacchione: |
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