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Make
Room for Joy
by Susan L. Colantuono |
"I believe
time can expand to an extraordinary degree in
extraordinary circumstances...
And if we can cram enough
living and loving and joy and excitement into a few
days,
they will expand into a month of ordinary
time."
--Nancy Cato
Have you ever felt that the
busyness of your life gets in the way of really living?
Have you ever felt that even as
you are hooked up, on line and tuned in with pagers,
e-mail, voicemail, cell phones, satellite, cables, FAXes;
you are less connected with others?
Have you ever felt that you
live each day on automatic pilot plowing through our
to-do lists, passing the same routes, seeing the same
people?
Today, all too many of us feel
these things and make it through days that fly by, but
seem to drag on forever. Why? Because we have subscribed
to definitions of success and happiness that have
nothing to do with the nourishment that our souls truly
need in order to joyfully thrive.
I’ve learned that it doesn’t
have to be this way. Within our everyday lives we CAN
experience joy on a daily basis. But not if we strive
for joy through the acquisition of material things,
fancy titles, or "free" time. Striving in
these ways drives joy away as surely as squeezing a
handful of water leaves us empty-handed.
If we want to find magical
moments in our everyday lives, we have to make room for
JOY! Joy requires emptiness - space and inattention.
There is no room for joy when we are striving,
collecting and hoarding things. There is no room for joy
when we are full of anger, cynicism, or despair. There
is no room for joy when we are worrying about future or
complaining about past events. As Susanna Tamaro writes
in her gem of a book, Follow Your Heart, "Joy…
has no object. It seizes you for no apparent reason, it’s
like the sun, its burning is fueled by its own heat."
To be seized with joy we have
to be open to it. This is why I hold a beautifully
hand-painted broom when I speak to groups. (If you think
that’s strange, imagine how the feminist part of me
feels!) Nevertheless, the broom is important because it
symbolizes 3 things.
Joy as a Daily Companion
First the broom symbolizes that
joy can be with us on a daily basis, just like the
chores around the home or office. Why? The answer lies
in defining what joy is. Oxford’s defines joy as,
" a vivid emotion of pleasure arising from a
sense of well-being."
I LOVE this definition because
it roots joy in a sense of well-being. We can have a
sense of well-being every day of our lives. This means
that there is no reason why each and every one of us can’t
experience joy on a daily basis. This means that we can
find joy not only in the quiet of a life going well, but
also in a life full of turmoil and even pain. This means
that we can live more joy-full lives without making
major changes in the external aspects of our lives, but
by making minor changes in the centers of our beings.
This means that by letting go
of the importance of external validation of our worth we
can begin to nurture the internal sense of wellbeing
that is the wellspring of joy.
We are born for joy and magical
moments. When we are expecting them, we discover that
magical moments already sparkle in our everyday lives.
Making Room for JOY!
This leads to the second
symbolism in the broom. It’s not enough to expect
magical moments, we must learn to actively make room for
them. We must sweep away the clutter that clogs our
homes, our hearts and our minds.
- Sweep away material things
.
Remove from our living spaces the things that
bind us to them, that conjure up negative experiences,
or that remind us of the ways we aren’t. We are left
with simpler living spaces graced with a few things that
have significance and meaning to us. Then we are free to
experience the joyous freedom of nourishing memories and
pleasing surroundings.
- Sweep away anger, resentment,
and bitterness
. Apply
the greatest gift of all - forgiveness. By living lives
of conscious self-acceptance and learning to forgive
ourselves we become more able to forgive others. This
loosens the debilitating constraints of anger,
resentment, cynicism and despair and frees our hearts to
swell with joy.
- Sweep away the busyness and
mental chatter
of lives
lived in the possible future or buried past. When we
second-guess what we "should have done" or
anticipate what we are going to do, we become oblivious
to the magic in the moment we are living. By learning to
be present in the current moment we open to the
treasures that it offers.
- Sweep away taking for granted
– and walk with an appreciative heart. We dance with
joy when counting our blessings – those that float
unnoticed in our existing lives and those that cascade
in unexpectedly. It’s nearly impossible to be gloomy
when acknowledging the gifts that are present in our
lives.
- Sweep away self-limitations
– face each day with a CAN DO attitude. When we start
each day with an indomitable CAN DO attitude, we invite
ourselves to learn new things, tackle seemingly
difficult challenges. We then experience the joyfulness
of self-discovery and accomplishment.
- Sweep away worry
– explore the paradoxical power of surrender. Worry
serves as a signal that we must tend to something, but
when we have done all that can be done for the moment,
it’s time to let go of worry and surrender to the
joyous support of people and possibilities.
In Make Room for JOY!, I
delve more deeply into each of these strategies for
making room for joy and offer activities that help you
personalize each of them. This raises the final
significance of my broom.
Creating Your Personal Recipe
for JOY!
The broom symbolizes the
walking staff of a guide. Because no one can tell you
what will bring joy to your life, I act as a guide. I
call attention to ingredients that will invite joy into
your life, but the final recipe is up to you. While the
experience of joy is universal, it is also fundamentally
personal.
I can’t tell you that if you
take a bubble bath, go for a walk, or sniff your infant’s
hair you will feel joy. These might work for me, but not
necessarily for you. But I CAN guide you toward four
ingredients common to many different recipes for joy.
- Surprise Your Life
:
Waken your five senses, practice harmless and minor
outrages and seek a larger freedom in your life.
- Cultivate Beauty
:
Create beauty in your everyday activities and celebrate
beauty in your everyday surroundings.
- Embrace Laughter
:
Laughter is good for our health, and as Marilyn Fergusan
notes, "At the height of laughter the universe
is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities."
- Give yourself Simple
Extravagances and Healthy Indulgences
:
Garnish your life with little pleasures that don’t
destroy your pocketbook…or your health.
When you create your personal
recipe for joy-full living, when you sweep away the
clutter that keeps joy at arm’s length, and when you
come to believe that magical moments are awaiting you in
your everyday life you will discover that each joyfully
crafted day lasts an extraordinarily long time.
©Susan L.
Colantuono. All Rights Reserved. Adapted from
"Make Room for JOY!: Finding Magical Moments in
Your Everyday Life."
The question, "How
does she do it?" seems to float spiritedly around
author Susan L. Colantuono. Since 1979 when she
left her management position with one of the country’s
most progressive insurance companies, Susan has followed
a risk-taking (and sometimes tumultuous) path that has
included roles as: writer, management consultant,
speaker, single parent, horse breeder and trainer,
website designer; marketing guru, entrepreneur,
international traveler and training designer. Her
experiences give life to her new book Make Room for
JOY! and anchor the advice in her acclaimed book,
Build Your Career. Her Make Room for JOY!™ and
Women’s Time-Out™ workshops have been described as
"life-changing experiences". Her own life
continues to change and unfold as she and her son,
Justin, grow, learn and play along the Rhode Island
shore.
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