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Soul
Mates: Creating Loving
and
Successful Relationships
by Evelyn K. Rice |
Five years ago, I was preparing to catch a flight out of
Madison, Wisconsin, back to my home state of North
Carolina. I sat down beside a white haired gentleman in
the airport. He turned to me and said, "You're
going to India soon, aren't you?"
I was floored. There was no way he could have known I
was planning a trip to India. He then told me about
other specific places I was planning to visit. Again, I
was stunned. Then he said, "I'm supposed to share
with you what it takes to create a Soul Mate
relationship. You won't understand why I'm sharing this
information with you now, but one day you will."
This gentleman proceeded to reveal to me the three key
principles needed to create the foundation for a Soul
Mate Relationship. His parting words were "what you
do with this information is your choice".
The next day, I ended a two year relationship that
had been a constant struggle. I also made a commitment
that in the future I would settle for nothing less than
a Soul Mate relationship. I began my journey of
learning: exploring my belief systems, owning my
unhealthy patterns, and healing my wounds. Within eight
months, my Soul Mate, Chris, came into my life.
I have never experienced such joy, openness and love
within myself and with another person. I know now that
only when you are committed to personal growth, healing
and spiritual purpose, can you allow and draw toward you
a partner willing to participate in creating a Soul Mate
Relationship. This type of relationship requires being
honest about the past and acknowledging areas needing
growth. It requires understanding and managing the mind,
body and emotions so they don't manage you. It requires
being very clear about your spiritual contribution to
yourself and others.
The Three Keys to Soul Mate Relationships:
We are spiritual beings having a human experience. As
a result, we have to balance our spiritual journey in a
physical plane while learning to manage the physical
components (mind, body, emotions, and laws of the
physical plane) of this lifetime. Once we understand
this, we increase our ability to manifest our highest
relationship desires. Many people believe that if they
find their Soul Mate, all their relationship challenges
will instantly dissolve. When it comes to love, this
myth has contributed to much frustration and loss of
hope. The truth is, even if you have a potentially great
relationship that you feel was destined to be, if you
don't understand the physical, mental, emotional and
spiritual components driving and creating your
relationship experiences, you are like an airplane
without a navigator. You can unwittingly self-sabotage a
potentially healthy and satisfying Soul Mate
relationship.
There are three components that can help you begin
the process of creating a Soul Mate Relationship.
The first is understanding Shared Reality.
Shared Reality entails knowing and understanding a
potential partner's relationship goals and dreams, and
identifying up-front if they are on track with where you
are going in your life. Shared Reality also involves
both potential partners being clear about what they want
for their life as individuals, and knowing how that
would be enhanced within a relationship.
When a person is looking for a relationship it's easy
to say, "Oh, I hope that person will want me",
rather than, "This is what I want for my life.
Would this person be an excellent asset and companion to
my achieving my purpose"? To begin creating the
space for Shared Reality with a potential partner, you
can ask yourself the question: "What is my
individual purpose?" When you are really clear
about what you want, it helps you move toward those
desires. Ask yourself, "If I only had six months to
live, what impact would I want my life to have made for
myself and others?"
Identifying your specific purpose for this lifetime
helps you identify what type of person would be an asset
in achieving your mission.
The second step is to specify what you want in a mate
that would align with your purpose. Write it
down. I call this the "Designing Your Own Soul
Mate" list. Defining the spiritual, mental
(temperament, attitude toward life, personality
interaction style) and physical (height, weight,
physique) qualities desired in another person helps you
identify if a potential partner is compatible to your
life's goals, values and dreams. This exercise also
helps you clarify exactly what you think is important in
a relationship. It ensures that you are living your life
by choice, not chance, and that you are spending your
time wisely and in a way that draws you closer to your
desires.
Opportunities aren't as rare as your ability to see
them. They are all around us, but if we are not focused
on those things we truly desire or if we don't know what
we specifically want, we may be missing opportunities
for growth.
The second component Soul Mates typically embody is
Shared Communications. Shared Communications
with a partner entails understanding who you are, who
your potential partner is and what the two of you bring
to the table in the arena of relationship patterns and
interactions.
Relationship belief systems are thoughts and ideas
about how the world should be. Our strongest
relationship beliefs are created between birth and six
years of age, and motivate us on an unconscious level.
We carry these concepts into our adult life and end up
playing out the unhealthy beliefs and fears in our adult
relationships, wondering why the same undesired results
keep happening over and over again. When we don't
understand our own relationship beliefs and patterns, we
can wind up unconsciously sabotaging a rewarding
relationship.
My dad was an alcoholic; an emotionally unavailable,
cold and distant man. He was my first exposure to what
love was. I created many belief systems about what love
meant through observing his behaviors. My dad left the
family when I was around five years old. At that time, I
assumed if I had been a better little girl he would not
have left. So, as my life progressed, I tended to be an
overachiever, motivated by the child inside of me
wanting to be a better person. Consequently, I was only
attracted to emotionally unavailable, cold and distant
men, who eventually left. On a conscious level, I said I
wanted a kind, caring person, yet I wasn't attracted to
that type.
For many years, my conscious desires were overridden
by unconscious motivations created from a child's
experience and interpretation of what love was. I
created more than thirty years of relationship struggle
and pain until I discovered that the answers to change
lay within my hidden belief systems and understanding my
past history.
Developing Healthy Relationship Strategies How
can you determine what your relationship beliefs are?
You can begin by looking at what's around you. Your
external world is a reflection of how you see yourself
and what you believe you deserve or don't deserve. What
you have created is what you are willing to be in your
life. Relationships show us where we need to heal and do
inner work. Pain is the signal that something needs to
be healed. Yet when pain arises in relationships, it's
easy to move into resistance, withdrawal, avoidance,
cover up, and denial, indulging in worry and
obsessiveness. These patterns are based on fear, and
contribute to us repeating our wounded patterns from the
past. In relationships, we form certain strategies that
dictate how we interact with others.
Every relationship is perfectly designed to give you
what you want, based on your belief systems. If you
desire to improve your relationships, you must first
identify the invisible barriers hidden in your belief
systems. By recognizing unhealthy beliefs, you can begin
healing the wounds from the past and be more present in
the moment. You can realign your beliefs about yourself
to who you want to be today. A statement I often hear
is, "I'll believe it when I see it." The truth
is, "You'll see it when you believe it."
Working with belief systems and healing inner wounds
is a process of discovery. Life is a series of moments
that reveal who we are internally. When we take time to
be responsible for our experiences in relationships, we
can begin the healing process.
When I started my own conscious relationship healing
process, I soon discovered it was important to love
myself into change, rather than judging and
self-criticizing what I wasn't. Self-blame and judgment
are prescriptions for suffering. As I found myself
falling back into old patterns, rather than criticizing
my inadequateness, I began acknowledging what I had
misjudged about the situation. I identified the lesson I
had learned and set a goal defining what I would do the
next time this pattern/event occurred.
In Soul Mate relationships, both partners are aware
of how unhealthy beliefs and unconscious wounds from the
past can destroy and damage a potentially good
relationship. When partners consciously come together
knowing that their partner is a mirror for them to see
the areas within themselves needing to be healed, they
can begin the process of creating a sacred space for
acceptance, truth, honesty, and growth.
Another key component to creating Soul Mate
relationships is understanding Affinity. Affinity
entails discovering if you "really like the
person" you are considering a relationship with.
Because relationships go through phases and most people
are unaware of the physical process that goes on in
phase one (the Expansion Phase (Romantic) we do not
always see a person clearly at the beginning of a
relationship.
When you are looking for a relationship, if you walk
into a room your unconscious mind will be scanning for a
partner who can help you heal your wounds from the past.
This scanning is based on your current belief systems in
the conscious and unconscious mind. When a potential
match is selected, you move into Phase One of
relationships, the Expansion Phase. In this phase,
people tend to experience strong attraction, bliss,
magnetism, hope and ecstasy. This experience is created
by the release of a natural endorphin called PEA, or
Phenyl Ethylamine. This attraction chemical is nature's
way of bringing individuals together in relationship.
During the PEA phase, it is easy to overlook or ignore
the patterns your partner may have that will create
long-term challenges in the relationship. When PEA wears
off, you begin see the person on a more realistic level.
As you move into Phase two, the Contraction Phase,
unhealthy patterns and fears from the past begin to
emerge. In the Contraction phase, people tend to
experience power struggles, hypersensitivity,
frustration, fear and disillusionment. The ease in which
you move through this phase depends upon your
willingness to communicate effectively, resolve conflict
in a healthy way, and openly acknowledge the fears and
unhealthy interactions you bring to the relationship. By
being aware of the physical dynamics occurring in
relationships such as PEA, unconscious belief systems,
and old emotional patterns, you are more able to choose
healthy interaction patterns with others.
In Phase Three, the relationship enters the
Re-Expansion Phase. At this point, partners begin to
consciously apply previously learned relationship
skills. Each person is able to move forward in healing
their wounds. Healthy interactions replace outdated
patterns, and the relationship becomes a stable and safe
place for continued growth and exploration.
In Phase Four, the relationship enters the Actualized
Love Phase or what is called Soul Mate Love.
In this phase, partners experience compassion, growth
harmony, Joy, Aliveness, Creativity and Co-commitment.
Soul Mate partnerships are created when two
individuals consciously come together to experience joy
and share in each other's growth. These relationships
are passionate, harmonious and productive. When
challenging times arise, Soul Mates are proactive rather
than reactive. They understand that the quality of the
relationship is determined by each of them owning their
history, their contribution to the situation, and their
willingness to honor the purpose of the relationship.
In these types of healthy and well-balanced
partnerships, each person takes complete responsibility
for his or her own life. Soul Mates acknowledge that
their partner is a gift to them, a one-of-a-kind person
who enables them to recognize and expand their own areas
for potential growth and increased self-awareness.
Yes! Soul Mate relationships are possible! And they
begin with individuals who are committed to creating the
highest form of love relationships with themselves
first, and others second.
© Copyright Evelyn
K. Rice. All Rights Reserved.
Evelyn K. Rice of Rice & Associates, Inc. is a national and international consultant who works
with thousands of individuals yearly on developing their highest potential in life and in their
relationships.
As the creator of the successful workshop series
"Finding Your Soul Mate," Evelyn brings a powerful ability to help individuals and couples understand the principles and steps it takes
to create and maintain healthy and balanced relationships in
today's world. She has been
featured on numerous TV and radio shows and is a highly sought-after motivational speaker who
often speaks to standing-room only crowds. Evelyn is currently completing her first book
"Finding Your Soul Mate Handbook."
In addition, as a corporate consultant, Evelyn has consulted with executives, managers, team
leaders and team members from organizations such as IBM, TRW, Sprint, Hoechst Celanese, The
Bank Administration Institute, BlueCross and BlueShield and numerous banks and financial
institutions for the past fifteen years. She brings a powerful ability to partner with others
to increase the productivity and effectiveness of corporations.
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