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Spiritual
Partnership
by Ami McKay |
"now I love you and you love me
(and books are shutter
than books
can be)
and deep in the high that does nothing but fall
(with a shout
each
around we go all)
there’s somebody calling who’s we
we’re anything brighter then even the sun
(we’re everything greater
than books
might mean)
we’re everyanything more
than believe
(with a spin
leap
alive we’re alive)
we’re wonderful one times one"
~EE Cummings
I love this poem. The poet
captures the euphoria of love without dismissing the
wonder of the individual. He doesn’t rave on and on
about how he was lost before he met his love, or how he
might consider his new mate to be as perfect as
Aphrodite. Best of all, he throws away the cliched image
of ‘I was half and now that I have met you I am whole.’
Thank goodness there’s no
Jerry McGuire character in this poem saying, "You
complete me."
Allow me to continue before you
think me jaded as well as a naysayer to romantic love.
The mathematics of this poem proves elegant and true.
‘We’re wonderful one times one.’ To me, this is
the most important line and Cummings definitely saved
the best for last. He is saying that one (whole being)
times one (whole being) can also equal ‘one’ (whole
‘we,’ a whole relationship). This is the essence of
any spiritual partnership (romantic or otherwise).
Looking for Love…
I’d like to introduce you to
a different way of looking at romantic love. Although
the term ‘spiritual partnership’ can apply to many
types of relationships, I will focus on the romantic
variety first.
We have been conditioned by our
friends, family, fairy tales, the media, society, music
and religion to feel inadequate if we don’t find the
perfect ‘soulmate’ in life. Many of us have cried
into our pillows just wishing we could feel whole,
wanting to be made complete by a ‘better half.’ I’m
here to tell you in the most comforting way… that’s
a load of crap.
Being a ‘whole’ person in
the deepest sense of the meaning can only come from
following the path of your true purpose in life, from
following your bliss. You can’t place the
responsibility for your happiness on another person, it
is not fair to them and it is not fair to you. That kind
of relationship always ends in disappointment. If you
are following your true path, then you will find
authentic power within yourself and the nagging need for
someone else (seeking external power) will disappear. As
you continue on your path many different people will
come into your life. All of them are teachers, all of
them a spiritual partners, and some may even be romantic
partners as well. All relationships, romantic or not,
hold Cummings’ mathematical possibility of becoming a
‘we.’
What about Marriage?
In this day and age, divorce
rates are high and people are puzzled as to how the
traditional marriages of yesteryear can ever survive
today’s fast paced lifestyle. Many couples marry
because they are ‘in love.’ They have overwhelming
attraction to one another and because they feel romantic
love towards one another, they feel that they should
commit their lives to each other. Close… but these
couples need to take a closer look.
I hear so many husbands say:
"she’s just not the same as when I married
her," and I hear so many wives say "I don’t
know who I am anymore, I lost myself somewhere along the
way." Or the husband says, ‘it’s not fun
anymore, this isn’t what I thought it would be’ and
the wife says, ‘he’s so stressed out all the time,
he doesn’t take time to be loving." How did two
people who seemed to love each other so much, come to
not know each other and then not even know themselves?
They became a ‘couple’ and
stopped following their individual paths of bliss.
Perhaps they stopped talking to each other about where
they wanted to go in life. Perhaps they came to look at
the bonds of marriage as prohibitive rather than
engaging in an active spiritual partnership full of
growth and cooperation. If the people involved are
willing to trust, cooperate, share and love, spiritual
partnerships can last a lifetime. If personal growth is
left behind for the sake of marriage then uneasiness and
an empty relationship are the results.
Roles…
This past summer I went to a
book sale at our local library. There in a box of
various books was a sweet little six volume set titled,
"Mother’s Encyclopedia". I was charmed by
way the small hard back books fit neatly into my hands
and decided I’d purchase them and take them home. The
copyright is 1942 and the chapter headings alone scream
of ‘leave it to beaver’ re-runs. Yes, there are even
chapters called ‘The Father’s Role" and
"The Mother’s Role".
Times have certainly changed.
Unfortunately our spiritual understanding of romantic
unions and relationships has been slow to follow. Many
people still have certain expectations of what their
spouse should ‘do’ and be within the relationship.
M. Scot Peck gives a striking
example of this in his book "the Road Less
Traveled". He recalls a couples group meeting in
which he asked the members to share their thoughts on
the purpose and function of their spouses…. "All
of them defined the purpose and function of their
husbands and wives in reference to themselves; all of
them failed to perceive that their own mates might have
an existence basically separate from their own or any
kind of destiny apart from their marriage." When
the group asked him to define his wife’s role in his
own marriage, Peck replied, "The purpose and
function of Lily, is to grow and be the most of which
she is capable."
Closing thoughts…
Be true to yourself. Spiritual
partners will honor the truth in you and come to your
life as your journey requires. Blessings!
"but let there be spaces
in your togetherness,
and let the winds of the heavens dance between you
Love one another, but make not
a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your
souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same
loaf
Sing and dance together and be
joyous,
But let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone
Though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into
each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and cypress grow not in each other’s
shadow."
~Kahlil Gibran
©Copyright 2001 Ami
McKay
Who is Ami McKay?
I am a storyteller, a singer of songs, a healing harpist & an artisan.
I believe in Magic - the kind which crafted the gossamer breathing
wonder of the Universe.
We are all a part of that whole.
Sometimes we trudge through life & lend our hearts to forget.
But that is not living.....
I hope to remind others of that.
Please feel free to contact me at:
amimckay@yahoo.ca
Visit my web site:
http://www3.ns.sympatico.ca/tidalpool
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